Philosophy, Sans Pants

Allow me to reflect on the existence of this fine institution we call the Low Cash Lifestyle blog. We are here to appreciate that which has merit and yet goes unappreciated. J.S. Mill, the utilitarian philosopher who founded some of the first utopian socialist communities, stated that you cannot judge one pleasure against another until you have first known them both. To this end, we preach the Low Cost Lifestyle. Why? Because there is a whole world of people who have never engaged in its many diversions, and another world which knows nothing else and therefore makes no comparison.

We, my friends, have known both. The high and the low, the bottom shelf and the top. I have seen both Italian opera and Figure-8 School Bus Racing in person, and enjoyed both (although I'll give the edge to the school buses for knowing when enough was enough). I have translated French literature and dug ditches in the rain.

I have seen the grass on both sides of the fence, and lemme tell you, it needs cutting.

On that note, fellow pursuers of free fun, I shall write about the low-cost pleasures of life while indulging in one: I am not wearing pants.

Not only am I not wearing pants, but I am drinking. Whiskey, to be precise; a simple shot-and-a-half on the rocks to end a day of exceptional productivity in the world of mind-numbing data entry. At this point, the alcohol may actually sharpen my faculties rather than dull them.

Why no pants? Remove your own and you'll understand. I am hardly a master of pantslessness, but I have studied under the greatest: my younger brother. He has not worn pants voluntarily in his 20 years on this planet. Recently I visited our parents' house, and was standing in the kitchen talking when suddenly I caught a glimpse of boxer shorts.

"Dude, you don't even live here anymore!" I exclaimed. He just shrugged. My brother treats pants-wearing as a necessary evil, similar to paying taxes in that he only does it under threat of arrest. In his eyes, my Levi's (eight bucks from a secondhand, LCLers, have no fear) were the equivalent of filling out a 1040 for fun.

There's something to be said for it. Pants are constraining. Sure, you're out there right now thinking, "Oh, I love these pants!" Take 'em off. Trust me. You'll feel better. Too cold? Get under a blanket, turn on a space heater. Deal. After all, we wear clothes for three reasons: to protect ourselves from unpleasant temperatures, to likewise guard against light impacts and scratches, and finally to avoid social scorn. Inside your house, you've got heat (unless you're really serious about the low-cost thing), you're not doing any heavy-lifting, and freedom from social mores. So take your pants off.

(I recommend the above paragraph not be used as a pickup line.)

With that koan to ponder, the Pantless Whiskey Guru leaves you for the evening.